Spirituality in Art and the Act of Creation (Why and How we Create Art).
When I wrote my study plan six months ago, I had originally planned to focus on nurturing my own creative process while studying more in depth the art of the Pre-Raphaelites. I wanted it to be "a studio intensive study where I'm primarily painting throughout while continuing to read books on creativity." I addition to these areas, I wanted to study briefly the business practices of artists. To my surprise, I found that what I wanted to study briefly was actually the main purpose and motivation for all of my studies up to this point. After reading the book on the business practices for artists, I felt reassured that it was time to start gearing myself toward a career as an artist. My confidence has grown since beginning this study partly because now I have a direction to go in and partly because I feel that I am on the verge of something big in my life. In the next few years I will be departing from the military, a job I've held for ten years. In addition to this, I will graduating from college, ready to move onto my masters degree. I feel that this study was a big contributor to my decision-making and to my future as an artist.
In the first months of the semester, I concentrated on books that focused primarily on creativity. The first book that I read was Rollo May's The Courage to Create. Like Peter London's No More Second-Hand Art of the semester prior to this one, this book was a huge motivation to me early in my study. I read a majority of the book on my twelve hour train ride home from the residency with over half of the book highlighted and many of the pages dog-eared over by the end of the trip. This book was a fantastic beginning to the study because it focused primarily on creativity without getting into as much heady, psychological dialogue that other books I had read on the subject did.
One of the highlights of the book was May's discussion of creativity being an "encounter". I agreed with his notion, but also felt that an artist can control the environment an encounter occurs in. This was the second occurrence of creativity being referred to as an "encounter." I thought about this and came to the conclusion that creativity is an energy that is similar to any other energy. This energy is transferred into the artwork by the artist and then transferred to the viewer. This thought sparked others in which I reasoned that there may be a common thread or link that connects all artists back to when the first human made that first mark. I've finally come to the conclusion that an artwork is a time-capsule that is prepared by the artist for the viewer to "open" when they view it. What they walk away with is a cumulative effort of the art to change the viewers thinking and feeling through the artwork.
Art and Fear, a book by David Bayles and Ted Orland was the second book that had a huge impact on my thinking during the course of the study. The most important part of the book occurred in the book when I read about how creating art in today's world can be an unpredictable endeavor. Bayles and Orland write:
Making art now means working in the face of uncertainty; it means living with doubt and contradiction, doing something no one much cares whether you do, and for which there may be neither audience nor reward.... Making the work you want means finding nourishment in the work itself. This is not a Age of Faith, Truth, and Certainty. (2)
This statement was a culmination of everything I had studied on creativity up to this point. This one statement gave proof to one of my largest burdens as an artist. As a reaction to this statement, I wrote in my artist's journal, "Sometimes I believe art is a battle between truth and acceptance. Do you push through and produce art to become more self-aware, or do you produce art to gain acceptance? There's a hazy line between these two motivations in my art."
Reading back over this passage, I wonder what the term "pushing through" means. I believe it means pushing through the uncertainty that Bayles and Orland speak of. I define it now as a matter of giving up acceptance in the face of uncertainty. In addition to this, the statement also restates what many authors on creativity have said before about the importance of the process of art. "Finding nourishment in the work itself." goes well with the process over product attitude that I've developed over the course of three semesters.
As much as I agreed with the above statement made by the authors, there were some that I did not agree with. One statement in particular really did not sit well with me and I had to write extensively in my artist's journal about it. Bayles and Orland write, "An artwork's potential is never higher than in that magic moment when the first brushstroke is applied, the first chord struck. But as the piece grows, technique and craft take over, and imagination becomes a less useful tool" (15). In argument of this I wrote in my journal:
I disagree with this statement. I think that as a piece grows it is imperative that the imagination keep working over the problem at hand. This is what Picasso meant by an artwork being re-invented as it is being created. It is created, destroyed, and created again. If an artwork's final imaginative moment happened at its initial conception and that was it, the work would die before it had a chance to come alive. This is the beauty of art. There are so many possibilities. The initial idea sets the framework for many other ideas to follow. One small inspiration spurring on the next, and so on. It is absurd to think that every artwork is a crystal-clear conception from the very beginning. This would take the fun out of it for sure! I believe that an artwork's potential grows as the piece grows. An initial beginning to an artwork has little potential other than a conglomerate of brushstrokes on the same canvas. It is after milking it for a while and working it over and over again that the work comes to life; that the beginnings of an animation come from the work and that soon afterward the artist is consumed by the work and the work dictates the direction in which the artist is to go. The artist becomes a voice for the artwork.
I still defend to this day what I wrote in my journal. During my paintings this semester, I found proof to back up my journal writings. When painting a majority of my abstract watercolors, I would find the paintings dictating my next move. I had no choice in the matter. There were even times when a painting would scream out for me to stop - that it had had enough and it would be useless to go on. There was no possible way for me to complete these paintings without building on what I had already accomplished in them. If I would have followed Bayles' and Orland's viewpoint, the paintings would have been finished before I had a chance to even begin on them! Through the process of painting comes the intuitive knowledge of what to do next in the painting. Whether to stop or to go on, to add a color here, to put a shape there, etc. The painting creates itself.
Another valuable book that I read at this time during the study was Shawn McNiff's Trust the Process: An Artist's Guide to Letting Go. I found this book to be fascinating and also very similar to Peter London's No More Second-Hand Art. McNiff, like London, defends that art and creativity should be woven into every day human activity. That it is not an activity for a chosen few that call themselves "artists," but an activity that used to be and still should be a part of our everyday lives. A quotation that I found particularly interesting in Trust the Process deals with McNiff's own explanation of his creative process.
For example, when I begin a painting, I try to empty myself of preconceptions, and I move in a way that corresponds to the feelings of the moment. The images of the painting emanate from the motions and energies of the specific time and place. I can never know in advance what will appear, because I discover what is going on inside me through the process of painting. Like a beginner, I feel surprise and wonder as the picture takes shape. In this respect I always strive to be a novice, a person who is experiencing creation for the "first time." Even the most repetitious rituals and patterns of expression can be viewed anew within the unique context of the moment. (3)
I found these quote to be the most valuable to me within the entire book. It possessed direction and reassurance that "having no plan at all" as I put it, is the best plan to have when creating genuine artistic images. This quotation also fit well into a quotation I had read by Piccasso three studies ago. It was a quotation about him approaching every painting as if he were a child. An approach to painting where nothing was at stake with a relaxed freedom was what I was after. This single quotation summed up my search and I had found my answer.
After reading a few more books on creativity to include Art as a Way of Knowing, by Pat Allen, and Julia Cameron's Vein of Gold, I began to unintentionally read books that directed my attention not to creativity in general, but to my own creativity. The two books that really brought my own creativity into the study were two of Eric Maisel's books: Fearless Creating and A Life In the Arts. I didn't plan to use these books as workbooks, but found myself compelled to completing the summary sections at the end of each chapter. By doing this, I found out much more about myself and my art than what I realized. It wasn't until I completed these questionnaires that I realized that I truly was an artist that was very serious about my involvement the arts. Up to this point, I hadn't really thought about my position as an artist. I pondered the questions of: Do I produce art as a hobby or is it a large part of my life? How much of my time do I devote to my art: a day? a week?, a year? These were all questions that I asked myself.
Maisel's books offered to me the opportunity to do some serious introspection and bring both my strengths and weaknesses as an artist to light. This was the turning point in my study where my energy began to be directed toward my own art. Also my energy for reading books on creativity had begun to diminish. I was beginning to feeling smothered by the detailed, psychological writings of these authors and just wanted to experiment in my own creativity and draw my own conclusions. It was at this point, especially after having this new-found insight into myself by reading Maisel's books that all I really wanted to do was paint! I decided to leave the creativity books behind and focus more on my first intentions of studying the Pre-Raphaelites. It only took a few books on this group of artists and a their influential poetry and literature before I realized that I was not happy with what I was studying. During my readings of the Pre-Raphaelites, I kept having this urge to stop reading and just draw or paint. It was this urge that won and I gave up studying the Pre-Raphaelites altogether.
After giving in to my urge to create, I began to read books concerning the business practices of artists. I also began a painting class around the same time that this part of the study began. It had been quite a while since I'd been in this type of an environment and was actually my first painting class so I didn't know what to expect. So far, I've found that the painting class is contributing greatly to my confidence as an artist. I feel like an art student again. It had been years since I'd been able to interact with other artists and converse with them on techniques and ideas. This class is a rewarding part of my study.
I also had a revolutionary experience during this part of the study in which my life and my art became one in an instant. It happened on August 19, during a day spent at John Hopkins Medical Center in Baltimore. Fir the first time in my life, I had finally drawn a piece of my life and captured it on paper in a drawing. In my journal I wrote:
Today was not a day of study for me but it is one that fits well into my life and my art. Today Barbie went to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore for surgery. It was an outpatient surgery and it went well. What I found out today is that it is amazing how much we can get caught up in the day to day routine of our lives and not realize how much passes by us without the slightest pause or hint of recognition. Today was one of those days where I realized just how much in my life has went by. After sitting in both the waiting room and the cafeteria for over three hours, I finally was able to talk to the doctor. What she had to say wasn't too comforting. She showed me some of the operation photos and discussed with me that Barbie and I had very slim chances of having children. After hearing this news I was numb and really was at a loss for words. I really never thought about having kids. I took it for granted that when it happened, it happened. Now, after hearing this, my whole perspective on life had changed. In that instant, I felt that the floor was pulled from under me and I was floating. This was life. Real Life. It wasn't about the day to day that I was so accustomed to. This was bigger than that and no matter how much of the day to day I did it wouldn't add up to, or prepare me for this. During Barbie's recovery, I drew her while she was sleeping. Afterwards, I thought about it, and came to realization that in this single drawing I had accomplished what I'd been trying to do for so long. I had finally pulled something from my life experience and captured it in a moment. It wasn't a huge monumental canvas or sculpture, but a small pen drawing that holds all the meaning in the world to me. This is what I'd been trying to find in my art for a long time. I had finally merged my art with my life. This is what art is all about to me. A merger of life and experience on canvas, paper, etc.
Not only was this day a revelation in my art, but it was also a huge change in my attitude toward life. For a long time now, I've worked hard to get where I'm at now. Starting with what I had and seeing what I have now, I can say that I've come a long way. I never realized how much of my life I'd given up to get here. I was caught up in a day-to-day outlook on life, where one day ran into the next with no great reward in anything I was doing. The events on August 19th, and especially the drawing that I did, brought that reality home to me. Now, my life is different to where I'm finding the time to back off of the day-to-day thing and spending more time living the important parts of my life. This experience coupled with my readings on the business of art opened my eyes to fact that wasn't following my life's dream, which is to create art full time and hopefully live off of my art.
My interests in the business of art peaked when I found a book entitled, Taking the Leap by Cay Lang. Lang's book describes every aspect of an artist's career in detail. Everything is in this book to include: creating artist packets, setting up shows, scouting out galleries, and collecting your own art. I found this book both informative and inspiring because it was giving me all the answers I needed to complete the last step of my artistic quest: to get artwork "out there" and see what the public thinks. This book quelled all the fears that I had about getting my art out there to show. This is a huge step for someone who has been creating art since they were ten years old and is now thirty and ready to embark on the big show. My problem was that I was creating it be a bigger journey than what it really is. In addition to the many insights that I received from Lang's book, my confidence grew until I felt comfortable sending out artist packets to galleries in the surrounding area.
An event happened in conjunction with reading Lang's book that was truly uncanny and seems to have happened at a perfect time. While attending a class reunion, I talked with an old classmate that I went to the Maryland Institute of Art with. She went on to graduate while I dropped out for financial reasons and joined the Army. It turns out that she owns her own advertising firm and also teaches part-time at the Maryland Institute. After showing her my portfolio, she said she'd help me get a job teaching at the institute. I couldn't believe that I had come full circle back to where I started. I found Lang's book to be very helpful when assembling my artist's packet to the school.
Although I didn't accomplish the goals that I initially had set for myself in this study, I can safely say that this study was an absolute success. I didn't study the Pre-Raphaelites to nearly the degree that I had originally intended, but I did gather valuable experience in my painting, my art, and my life. This study fell, without my planning, into a logical place for the beginning of a culminating study to bound off of. I feel great about the outcome of this study and consider it in no way to be a failure.